Trust and Intimacy with Christ and Each Other

This post is going to include a lot of thoughts of mine and I hope I can be coherent in explaining it. This is also somewhat linked to my previous post.

I want to describe two things:

Type 1 Intimacy: This is an intimacy and trust that grows at first in relationships. Its easy, performance based intimacy and trust. An intimacy that will eventually ultimately fail. It does now show the real you but a built up version of you. Type 1 Intimacy is the type that says if you do this behavior I trust you and if you do that behavior I distrust you. If that trust is gained then intimacy is achieved. Its basically peformance based intimacy and trust. In my opinion this trust will ALWAYS eventually fail in most situations since it starts with an inadequate understanding of the human condition. At most relationships can be ONLY be maintained at some level with this type of intimacy. The aroma of legalism and performance based religion surround this intimacy.

Type 2 Intimacy: Hopefully an everlasting type of intimacy and trust based on an acknowledgement of our human condition and frailities. It focusses on vulnerability and being real about ourselves. Type 2 Intimacy and Trust is based on the idea that we are sinful and require a savior. It allows us to share our human frailities. If we can share our human frailities we can also share a much deeper level of how we feel. We dont have to spin and repress the truth abour ourselves. As a result of this we can share a MUCH deeper version of ourselves. It results in the ability to show love on a deeper level than performance based intimacy. Grace, love, and mercy are the aroma this Intimacy gives off.

For me personally Type 2 Intimacy means I can share my frailties and my emotions wioth my wife at a much deeper level. Type 2 Intimacy is harder than Type 1 Intimacy. It requires more work. It means sharing a part of ourselves we dont want to share. However, if we dont spin or repress the truth about ourselves this intimacy is much deeper. It implies an emotional and spiritual vulnerability with God and each other.

Now might be a good time to read my vision statement again. In my vision statement I say that I desire to have a intimate relationships (not physical of course 8-)) with other men and my wife. I This vulnerable intimacy is the pathway for all growth in the human walk with a sovereign God. It understands that we all fall short of Gods Glory.

Man has always substituted a lot of shallow, false intimacies for deeper intimacies that were designed by God for us to have. Scott Sauls said in a sermon once that sexual idoloatry (false intimacy) is really a substitute for the God designed intimacy we were meant to have with Christ.

God also created marriage for man to have an intimate companionship with that person. Our society will substitute “quick fix”, shallow intimacies of pornography, adultery, solo sex, etc for that relationship.

So the vision of intimacy with Christ and each other is something that in recent months has been a big part of having an outstanding relationship with my wife. (One I need to get back on track with her) Its not the one we started our marrriage out with but its much deeper and its the one I hope to carry through to heaven. Once again its about shareing our real selves on a deeper emotional level then we did in our past. Its scary to show the true you.

In terms of Christ it means a focus on repentance and understanding my environment of sin so I can do my best to remove sin from myself. I can be real about myself. In Christ, my savior, I hope to be the best person I can but I already know the battle was completely won for me on the Cross which allows me to work on my sin but also have a great joy and assurance simultaneously.

Hope that makes sense



2 thoughts on “Trust and Intimacy with Christ and Each Other

  1. theoldadam


    What a wonderful post. I really enjoyed your honesty and openess with respect to the idea of intimate relationships. Not an easy thing for most guys to endeavor to tackle, including this one.

    You said so much that is dead on. The fact that all Type 1 Intimacy relationships will fail us. I’d bet that you would have a lot of disagreement on that point because oftentimes people are not realistic and they refuse to see things as thy really are. But, in my opinion, you are absolutely right, those relationships will fail us everytime, because both parties to the relationship are not capable of the truth and honest required for it to last. Not to say that they still are valuable and indeed necessary.

    As far as Type 2 Intimacy is concerned, I think you hit the nail on the head, again. This realatioship is harder and does require much more depth. But the reason that this intimacy will not fail is because one of the two sides will remain faithful. God will never let us down,and wuill always be there for us. This fact, in and of itself, is the reason for the success of this relationship.

    There is one area that you are concerned about that I think maybe you ought not to be so hard on yourself. That is your desire to remove ‘sin’ from yourself.

    It is a good thing to not want to sin. It is a good thing to desire to do the right thing. But focusing on your ‘sins’ is focusing on your performance. Focusing on the self. Personally, I believe that you would be far better off to place your focus and your efforts, outward, towards the other.

    ‘Sin’ is not something that can be removed, anyway. it is your condition (and mine). And you were quite correct again, when you said that the battle has been won on the cross in that area. And also in your baptism. In Romans 6 Paul says that in your baptism your ‘sin’ was put to death, and “now you are to consider yourself dead to sin.”

    You are a sinner and that is the way it is, and that is the way it’s going to be until you die. We are not a sinner because we sin, we sin because we are sinners. (I know I am not telling you anything you don’t already know…just a reminder)

    St. Paul also said that, “when the law came in, sin increased.” When we focus on our performance with respect to sin, we actually make matters worse (with respect to our Type 2 relationship).

    If there is something in your life that is destructive, personally and for you family, then you ought do your best to take care of it as best you can.

    But, in my mind, focusing on your sin for the sake of trying to eradicate ‘sin’ in your life will be fruitless and possibly quite harmful.

    Chist will take care of sanctifying you in the faith, so you are free to live your life as best you can without having to worry about sinning. You are going to…and that’s that.

    Anywho, I enjoyed you post very much, Jon!


    – Steve

  2. paarsurrey


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